Book Reviews

This is an older book, originally published in 1987, but its message is timeless. The authors talk about success and failure in a unique and thought-provoking way. Their primary point is that failure is a larger concern for Americans than for people in other cultures, that we are the most success-oriented people in the world. Americans don't seem to have the ability to distinguish between their judgment of events and the events themselves. We judge our lives and careers based on perceived success or failure whereas people in other cultures tend to gain a sense of self from their families or themselves.
I found this book to be compelling and useful in the context of both business and personal well-being. Understanding the historical and social aspects of the concept of failure is helpful, as is considering the two types of failure they identify: Overt failure (e.g. getting fired) and hidden failure (e.g. looking successful on the outside but feeling disappointed in oneself and like a failure inside). The book guides the reader through the process of learning from mistakes and reinterpreting the failure, not only into a learning experience but also into future success. I found this book to be both informative and practical. The subject of failure holds such taboo in our culture and yet anyone who takes risks in life will fail at some point. I think it makes sense to study the subject and emulate what the authors teach, accepting and learning from everything life's rich pageant has to offer us.

Practice/Exercise

Begin this exercise when you have had some time to ground yourself in compassion and you have a clear mind. This is about learning and growing, not getting out the baseball bat of self-recrimination.

• Think of a time you felt like an abject failure, write 1-3 pages about what happened from your perspective.
  
• Write 1-3 pages about what you learned from that experience, including in what ways you were responsible for what happened. Give this some time and thought, often the ways in which we contribute to our own demise are subtle and are topics we have been consciously or unconsciously avoiding.
• Write 1-3 more pages. How can you reinterpret what happened, how have you learned and grown? What are you already doing differently as a result of what you learned? What else can you do differently?
• Keep writing. How will you integrate these changes into your life? Who will you ask for support? What will you do if you find yourself reverting back to an old habit/behavior?

This book is a great manual for having a happy and effective professional life. It is one of my all time favorites. Tulku's basic premise is that creativity is not something only some of us are blessed with, that it is a given for everyone and expressing ourselves through our work is our natural way. Using his Buddhist practice as a foundation, the book is a series of short essays divided into three parts, Awareness, Change and Sharing. Each essay is written with both economy and precision. He makes simple but profound distinctions on topics such as Change, How to Use our Human Resources and Working at the Gut Level. He covers every topic in an incredibly practical and elegant way. This is a book I have referred to innumerable clients and friends and reread myself half a dozen times, it's simplicity and usefulness is a rare find in business texts.

Other Favorites on Work:

This is another classic that I have revisited a few times. Getting the Love You Want is an easy to read and understand explanation of the psychology of love relationships. The basic premise is that we unconsciously choose our mates based on unmet needs left over from our childhood (for example a woman who marries a man just like her father or a man who marries a woman like mom). We hope that our mates will love us the way we've always wanted and make us feel whole and complete. The inherent problem being, of course, that we are doing this all unconsciously. We don't realize the pressure we are putting on our mates, which can wreck havoc on our relationships.

Hendrix does a beautiful job of describing this common problem and provides a clear set of explanations and exercises to bring about healing and closure for couples stuck in this dynamic. I have watched many couples do the simple ten week series of exercises in this book and transform their relationships. The book is written in layman's terms, full of real life examples which makes it exceptionally accessible. It is on my top ten list of most
helpful books on the topic of relationship and one of the first I always recommend for anyone wanting to make their relationship happier and healthier.

Other Favorites on Relationships:

Christine Caldwell is a renowned Somatic Psychologist with a deep working knowledge of the mind-body connection. This is a useful book for anyone wanting to deepen their understanding of and connection with their physical body. Part One describes how many people disconnect from their bodies using addictive habits with food. She includes a useful four part model for reconnecting, called the Moving Cycle which is a simple practice anyone can do. The second half of the book is devoted to working with her model for long term growth and healing. It includes many useful exercises and practices. My favorite was given to her by the monk Thich Nhat Hanh. It's called "Are you sure?" and challenges one's beliefs and assessments which in our beautiful human imperfection are so often wrong. Caldwell's book is slightly outdated in some ways, but in general is a very useful classic, one I refer to clients over and over.

Other Favorites on Physical Health and Wellbeing

The Only Diet There Is by Sandra Ray
8 Weeks to Optimum Health by Dr. Andrew Weil
A Woman's Book of Life by Joan Borysenko